One: Keep an open mind.
The first thing you can do is keep an open mind. Skepticism is healthy, but be an open-minded skeptic. Closed-minded skeptics are merely debunkers. They are locked onto to their skepticism and wear it like a badge of honor. They don’t look for evidence first and draw their conclusions second. They have already made their conclusions and only look for evidence to back them up.
Open-minded skeptics haven’t created their image around being a skeptic. They are truth seekers. They are open minded enough to recognize that they don’t know everything and humble enough to know they can be wrong. So they begin with skepticism because they don’t have reason to believe otherwise. But then they investigate first, discover evidence second, and draw their conclusions last. This is how I investigate the afterlife.
Two: Arrive for the reading with a peaceful mind.
It’s recommended that you meditate or, at least, relax for fifteen to twenty minutes before your reading. If you’re mind is buzzing with all the things you need to do that day, you’re not going to be focused enough to get the most out of your reading. So it’s important to unwind and think about your loved ones in spirit.
You want to be relaxed in order to think with a clear mind. You’re going to be getting a lot of messages thrown at you that you’ll be asked to acknowledge. If you’re not calm and clear-headed, you might miss some important messages.
Many people who get a reading become filled with anxiety and can’t think clearly when the psychic or psychic medium gives them a message. This is called Psychic Amnesia because all of a sudden you forget your own child’s name. I once had a reading where the psychic medium kept giving me the initials L. P. and I kept saying, “No, I don’t know anyone with those initials.” Yet, a couple months prior, my wife’s former boss (and a friend of my family) had passed. His name, of course, was Leonard Paul and everyone called him L. P. He was coming though in the reading and I was clueless, which could have likely been avoided if I had relaxed my mind and body before the reading.
Three: Ask your loved ones in spirit to come through in the reading.
Once you have sat quietly for a few minutes, it can be helpful to talk or pray to your departed loved ones, inviting them to the reading. Tell them how grateful you’ll be if they come for the reading and let them know what messages you’d most like to hear.
It’s not recommended that you make deals with your loved ones in spirit. Don’t say, “If you can get the psychic medium to say Jellystone Park, then I’ll believe.” The medium will convey whatever important messages need to come through. It’s difficult enough for our loved ones in spirit to communicate with a human being (psychic medium), don’t add to that pressure by putting requirements on them, too.
I’ve been to many psychic medium demonstrations where people get readings from a psychic medium on stage. Quite often the audience members who get readings at these events say that they talked with their loved ones in spirit on the drive to the venue and asked them to connect with the medium. By making the connection with their deceased loved ones before the medium demonstration, they helped the psychic medium connect with these spirits during the event.
Four: Don’t feed the medium.
Whenever I introduce a psychic medium to an audience before a medium demonstration, I always give the instruction, “Don’t feed the medium.” The audience always laughs, but I’m not just being funny. What I really mean is that you never want to feed the psychic medium information, because if you tell them something about your loved one in spirit, then that psychic medium can’t give you that information herself.
I was once at a psychic medium demonstration (a demonstration of spirit communication) when the psychic medium went up to a person and said, “I have a man in spirit here who is wearing a fire fighter’s uniform.”
The audience member then blurted out, “That’s my uncle Bill who was a fireman and died on the job fighting a fire.”
That’s feeding the medium. Now that psychic medium was not able to provide Bill’s name to that person, nor could he identify Bill’s cause of death (dying on the job fighting a fire)—two key pieces of evidence in any reading.
Five: Only answer questions with yes, no or maybe.
Psychics and psychic mediums should not be asking you any question beyond “Do you understand?” In which case, you can answer, “Yes, I understand,” or “No, I don’t understand,” or “Maybe, I might understand but I need more information.” Unfortunately, many psychics and psychic mediums do ask questions because they haven’t been trained properly or they’ve gotten lazy over the years.
In terms of the latter (laziness), it’s a lot easier to ask “Who died of cancer?” than it is to tell you that information. But the best psychic mediums will tell you, “I have someone in spirit here who died of cancer. It was lung cancer. It’s a male, probably in his 60s when he died, and he’s telling me he passed quickly after being diagnosed. I’m getting a J name; it sounds like Joe or Joseph.” And the reading will go from there.
Do you see how much better that is than if the psychic medium asks you “Who died of cancer?” and then you give the answer? It can be the difference between a mediocre reading and an extraordinary reading.
So what do you do if the psychic or psychic medium asks you a question? Simply tell her that you’ll get a lot more out of the reading if she doesn’t ask you any questions other than “Do you understand?” Tell her that you’d rather she told you that information instead of you giving it to her. The best mediums will understand and do their best to stop asking questions. They might need a reminder now and then, but let them catch themselves and learn to rephrase their question into a statement. Rather than “Who died of cancer?” they can say, “I have someone in spirit here who has died of cancer.” And you can say, “I understand.”
Six: Don’t mix your spirits.
Never show up for a reading in person or by phone under the influence of alcohol or drugs. For one, you’re not going to be able to think quickly in order to process the messages you’re getting from the psychic or psychic medium. The psychic medium might be giving you a message about a distant relative who died years prior and you won’t have the clarity of mind to sort through your memories to know if the message is accurate. Two, you’re not going to remember half the messages that come through in order to benefit from the reading later. And three, you’re much more likely to feed the medium when your intoxicated. There have been many clients who have paid for a reading only to talk the psychic medium’s ear off instead of listening to the messages. That’s a waste of your money and it’s inappropriate behavior.
The truth is that your mental state doesn’t just affect you. It affects the psychic or psychic medium, too. If alcohol or drugs have altered your energy, the psychic or psychic medium is going to feel it. So show up to your reading with a clear mind and your reading will be better.
A woman I know told me that she called a psychic medium to make an appointment. The psychic medium answered the phone and told this woman that her mother in spirit had already showed up and was giving him messages. However, he didn’t have time for the reading at that moment, so they made an appointment for the next day.
That evening, the woman was so nervous about communicating with her deceased mother that she drank an entire bottle of wine. The next morning, when she had her appointment, the psychic medium was perplexed as to why her mother was now coming through muddled when she had come through so clear and strong the day before. It turned out that the woman’s hangover from drinking so much wine the evening prior made it impossible for the psychic medium to give the reading.
If you mix your spirits and are later unhappy with your reading, it’s nobody’s fault but your own. So for your sake, the psychic medium’s sake and your deceased loved one’s sake, keep your spirits (your alcohol) and your spirits (your loved ones in the afterlife) separate.
Seven: Take notes.
Even though many psychic mediums will audio record your reading these days, there are no guarantees that the recording will be successful. Believe it or not, technology is known to fail occasionally (sarcasm). So always take notes with a pen and paper during your reading. You don’t need to write down every word that they tell you. That can be nearly impossible considering how quickly some psychics and psychic mediums talk. Therefore, just write down the key words and phrases they say, or quote an entire sentence every once in a while. It’ll be enough to recall most of what was said later when you want to review the reading or share it with others.
Eight: Be honest with the psychic medium in your feedback.
I once watched my friend get a reading at a public psychic demonstration where the first half made perfect sense (that is, all the messages were spot on), then something took a turn and I knew the messages no longer pertained to him. Yet, for some reason, he kept nodding his head as if he understood every message. As a result, the psychic continued with the reading, assuming that it was accurate based on my friend’s nodding.
For the most part, we human beings are a polite bunch, which is why many people who get readings say yes (suggesting that they understand the message) when they really should be saying no (that they have no idea what the message means).
If you are honest with the psychic or psychic medium and tell him that the message does not resonate with you, he’ll be able to ask for more information to make the message clearer. So, for example, if he tells you that a spirit is present who died from a blow to the head, but this doesn’t ring any bells for you, just tell him the truth and he’ll ask that spirit more questions. He might find out that the blow to the head came as a result of a car accident involving a drunk driver, which then might jog your memory.
An honest “No, I don’t understand” is not rude or mean. It’s helpful guidance for the psychic medium. The medium wants you to get the most out of your reading, so always be honest in your feedback.
Nine: Announce your objections early.
There are several reasons why a psychic or psychic medium might have an off day. They might not be feeling well. They might have just gotten some bad news. They might have recently had an argument with their spouse or teenage son. After all, psychics and psychic mediums are people, too. Thus, even the best give readings that are less than satisfactory.
If you’re getting a one-hour reading and realize ten or fifteen minutes into the reading that the psychic or psychic medium is way off (eighty to ninety percent of their messages make no sense), it’s your responsibility to tell them. Do not wait until half the reading—or worse, the entire reading—is over before informing them.
Psychics and psychic mediums with high ethics and integrity will stop the reading if it’s not going well and offer to reschedule it for another day. But they won’t know it’s going poorly if you don’t tell them. While I understand that you want to the reading now, especially if you waited weeks or months for the appointment, don’t let a bad reading continue for that reason. Let them reschedule it for a different day when they are in a better space for connecting with universal energy (psychic) or spirit (psychic medium).
Too many clients let a bad reading continue without saying anything and then expect a refund when the reading is over. This isn’t fair to the psychic or psychic medium, and many won’t give you a refund. But if you let them know that the reading is going bad and they, personally, choose to continue, you now have every right to ask for a refund if the reading continued to be bad. And most credible psychics and psychic mediums will give you a refund in this situation or will offer you another reading.
Ten: Have realistic expectations.
Psychic mediums can occasionally get names, but usually just first names. They will usually give you dates, but they might only get the month and not the day. They might also confuse a police uniform with a security uniform, or that someone was a nurse rather than a nurse practitioner. In order to have realistic expectations, keep in mind that these are the same misinterpretations that we might make ourselves in everyday life. Do you now the difference between an Army uniform and a Marine uniform, or a male nurse’s outfit and a medical technician’s outfit? The psychic medium might not know the difference either.
Having realistic expectations for your reading means understanding that the communication between the psychic medium and your loved ones in spirit isn’t perfectly clear like a telephone or cable TV signal. If you recognize that the connection is more like a fuzzy radio station, you’ll understand why the psychic medium says the name John instead of Sean, or Liz instead of Riz. These are common mistakes that anyone could make.
Realistic expectations also means accepting the extraordinary messages even if the psychic medium got some messages wrong. My deceased father told me in my very first reading that one of his proudest moments was watching me play a solo on my saxophone in the middle school band concert. That was an extraordinary message because it got four accurate messages: 1) that I played a solo in the band concert (there were only two solos in the concert out of 100 band members), 2) that I played in the middle school band, 3) that I played the saxophone, and 4) that my father was in attendance, as he traveled a lot for work.
There were other messages in my first reading that were wrong. But it would have been unrealistic of me to discard all the extraordinary hits like the saxophone solo message just because the psychic medium had some misses, too.
Copyright © 2011 Bob Olson